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A guide for our readers - what to talk about on a first date?

First meetings can be fun and exciting, but let's be honest - they're a little uncomfortable and scary too. After all, it's kind of a big deal. While it's a good idea to go about things if things will click, they will come naturally, sometimes it's hard to get to that point. You really do not want to think about it, it just creates analytical paralysis.

One of the greatest ways to reduce anxiety associated with first dates is to go into the meeting with a plan. No, you do not need to talk about index card points or a script you have practiced, but a solid strategy to increase the risk of chemistry can not hurt.

Start with the basics

While it can be tedious to just ask questions, you have to start somewhere, and the basics are not a bad place to do it. Once you know more about the date's background, you can guide the conversation to more interesting places.

- How do you spend your days?

- Where did you grow up? Is it different from where you live now?

- How long have you lived here? Do you like it?

- What were you interested in while attending school?

- How is your family? Do you have a favorite childhood memory?

- What do you think is fun to do? Any hobbies or passions?

Build on what you already know. Expand what you have learned from the first connection source to drive the dialogue. For example, if you matched online, refer to something in their profile and ask them a question about the topic. If a mutual friend sets you up, unpack how each one feels about them. And so on.

If you are not sure how to jump into a conversation, you can comment on something in your environment. To begin with, you can ask them if they have ever been to the cafe, the park or where they suggested meeting, before, or if they spend significant time in that area. You can then quickly enter into a broader conversation about the city, food, travel or another topic, based on the clues you pick up from the beginning.

Admit you're nervous

To come out and acknowledge that it can be an excellent icebreaker. Being honest is important and letting the other person know how you feel can help take some of the pressure off. Just make sure the conversation is still about getting to know each other. If you do not give the other person the chance to know more about you, they may not ask you again.

Break the ice!

Instead of asking what they do to support and where they come from, you can ask small anecdotal questions that give you an insight into what their personality is like. Hopefully this leads to some jokes or helps you find out some overlapping interests, qualities and preferences. Some examples:

- If you could travel anywhere, right now, where would you go? If the answer is 'nowhere', you have a hermit. If the question evokes a series of destinations, you will discover what encourages and appeals to them.

- What is something you want to learn / get better at? This question would allow you to understand if the person wants to develop or improve himself and how. It can show the person's interests and ambitions - you can think about whether these agree with yours and how you feel about it.

- What is something you are proud of? This question can provide insight into what is meaningful to them and can show their values. It's a chance for you to see their self-awareness as well.

- What did you want to be when you grew up? It gives an insight into their inner children and can tell more about their personality and journey, as if they continued to do what they wanted.

- Tell us about your friends? If you want to enter into a relationship with someone, you should also keep in mind that you are entering into a relationship with their friends. Plus, being able to talk about other people takes the pressure off of you.

- What's the best meal you've ever had? This question is much better than asking "What is your favorite food?" because it is more specific and requires a much more specific answer. You'll probably get a lot more than a word answer from someone, and possibly a detailed story about a particular occasion or a good memory they have.

- What's on your bucket list? You can learn a lot about a person's biggest dreams, desires and qualities by asking them what is on their list. This is something that everyone has, whether they realize it or not, because as human beings we all have our own dreams - big and small.

- What do you think is your most attractive quality? If they have difficulty saying a good thing about themselves, it may indicate that they lack self-love and self-confidence. On the other hand, if they can not stop talking and roll up a list of twenty things without breathing, they can border on arrogant. Either way, this is a great way to find out what someone really likes and what they think of themselves.

- What has been the most important or best year of your life so far? This question takes the conversation in a meaningful direction and encourages reflection and thought - so just ask it if you are ready to get to know this person on a deeper level. You will hear about their life story and hopefully the part of it that has had the most impact on them so far.

- If work was no longer an option and you had a lot of money, what would you do all day? This conversation starter can give a light, playful, unbound feel to your mix of questions. It's also fascinating to hear someone's answer. If she's seen all the TV shows ever created and you're an active guy who can not stand being indoors, it shows that you may not be super compatible.

- Would you go cross-country skiing? This may seem a little strange and specific, but how she likes to travel is sometimes even more telling than where she likes to travel. Does she only stay in five-star resorts? Is she interested in sustainable places? Is she a bargain traveler? Is she ready for camping? All of these options provide insight into her lifestyle, tastes and knowledge of other cultures.

- What are your favorite sports? If sports are big in your life, it will take you into lots of sub-topics. Ask which sports she is interested in, which teams she has roots for and if she has sports in school. Depending on her answer, you can see if you are looking for a healthy competition or are behind the same team. And if she does not care, you can decide if it is a small suspension or a business crime.

- What is your favorite animal? Easy questions like this can evoke memories of her childhood. It also notifies you if she is a pet lover. It may seem silly, but if she hates dogs and your Husky is part of the family, or if she has two cats and you are allergic, it may not work.

- How do you like to spend your mornings? It may seem very special, but her morning routine is hugely revealing. Does she wake up, get ready and hurry to work with a few minutes left? Does she wake up, sit around, read a newspaper and then get ready for work? Or does she meditate, run, shower and have a gourmet breakfast before going out the door? These scenarios are snapshots of three incredibly different people and personality types.


Do not ignore the red flags

The two biggest reasons why women ignore red flags are because they are very attracted to their date or because they have already created the fantasy of the marriage they plan to have with this person. Keep your eyes wide open no matter how hot someone is.

Stay away from sex

Sex is super important in a relationship - when you get to know each other. Once you are with someone, it is very important to understand their preferences, but you do not have to find out on the first date. If you spend a lot of time talking about sex, you will not get to know each other intellectually and emotionally, which should be your focus.

Do not talk about money

Sure, you want to make sure the person in front of you is a hard worker or has the same priorities when it comes to saving as you do, but there are ways to do this. For example, to check if he will offer to split the bill if you went to a restaurant or pub.

Do not disturb

When she's talking about something you're excited about or have a strong opinion about, it's easy to accidentally jump in and cancel. If this happens once or twice, it's OK. When a guy constantly interrupts, it's really rude. It makes us feel that he does not value what we have to say - that he thinks his own thoughts are more important than any other.

Hear her before you chim in. Conversely, a little silence between the answers is also OK. You must take the time to consider what she says or what you want to say next before answering. Being caring and conscientious are great qualities!

Discuss your favorite movies, TV shows, and books

In today's world of Netflix, Hulu, Amazon Prime and Disney, there is definitely no shortage of streaming services or access to movies, programs or literature. With this in mind, talking about the different TV series you watch, sharing movies you need to watch and telling more about your favorite books all the time can help keep the conversation flowing while you and your date reveal more about your respective personalities. When discussing what's binge-worthy and what's hot right now, it can help you see if there are any sparks between you and your date.

Talk about current media events

These topics can ease your discussion and are a great way to test each other's knowledge and social opinions. But remember, do not talk about something you do not know much about. Prepare in advance if you are not up to date with current events in the country or the world. It's good to know what's going on, because you do not want to be ignorant when the other person starts talking about something you should know.

Discuss your favorite music

Since you can learn a lot about a person by talking about their favorite music, it's definitely a good topic of conversation. Although you may learn that you and your date like the same types of music and may even have seen the same bands or festivals live, you can also expand your own music repertoire as you learn about genres and bands that your date likes. This is a great way to get new band recommendations, and sharing music and concerts can help you two bond. You can open the best (and worst) shows you've ever been to or talk about the different artists you want to see live.

Be a good journalist

An inherent characteristic of every effective reporter is curiosity. Even if your date is not an interview, you are trying to learn parts of who this person is and their history. Do this by asking questions that they have probably seldom or never answered, such as: What is your best memory of elementary school? If you could get away with a crime, what would you do? What's on your bucket list? This will make you seem interesting. Of course, try to alleviate these in a natural way, otherwise you will sound like you just read. Really show your curiosity and encourage them to tell you more. Not only does this create an engaging and fun first date, but it also helps you discover if you have common interests or life goals that will help you decide if you want to meet the person again.


Do not talk negatively about yourself

Humility is appealing; low self-esteem is not. There is no need to report all your shortcomings on a first date. Jokes about how bad you are at meeting are also a huge suspension. It's okay to admit you're nervous, but telling someone you'm bad at meeting is like a director coming out before the movie to announce that it stinks. It kills the interest or motivation that the other person may have had.

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